Movie Review – “Suicide Squad”

maxresdefault.jpg

A complete and utter failure.

Suicide Squad might actually be the worst movie I have ever seen.

I am not kidding.

It as an overblown, over-edited pile of trash.

It’s a disgrace to cinema. It’s a disgrace to art. Hell, it’s a disgrace to humanity. I am upset on a spiritual level that I wasted my hard-earned cash on this trainwreck.

There are some movies that are so bad they’re good.

tumblr_n0we6pD0Dk1sp4nfqo1_500.gif

You can get drunk with your friends and laugh at their ineptitude.

Suicide squad, alas, is not like that. It’s so bad it’s…bad. Like, cringeworthy. I found myself covering my face in shame at the total shitstorm that was on the screen in front of me. From pimp-croc..

The movie was filled with characters and plots that I could care less about. But I’ll get to that in a bit.

The style is morbid.

I love stylized filmmaking. Movies like Kill bill, Hot fuzz, and Drive are a few examples of stylized action that I absolutely love.

maxresdefault.jpg

(PSA: suicide squad will NOT make you want to dance like Uma Thurman.)

Directors like Tarantino, Edgar Wright, Wes Anderson, etc. have a noticeable style that makes their work worth watching. Suicide Squad tries to have it’s own style, building upon the weird-gothic?-steampunk-gloomy-video game-what the hell is going on-FX orgy that Batman V. Superman had. The result is jarring, with unattractive special effects and overwhelming graphics. It’s not fun. It’s disturbing. It’s something I would make on MS paint when I was twelve. My 7 year old sister has made better graphics on her IPad.

suicide-squad-trailer.jpg

It might not look bad now, but when the movie is FILLED with these graphics and colors the entire time, it’s overwhelming.

The movie goes batshit crazy (pun intended) with jarring cuts and terrible technical filmmaking as well. It hurts my heart to watch such buffoonery on screen.

padme-youre-breaking-my-heart-gif.gif

(Me, every waking moment of suicide squad.)

The Script/Story are absolute hogwash.

I am now convinced that the deepest circle of hell is reserved for the person who approved this script.

487v.gif

(He’s all yours, Satan)

The characters are completely one dimensional. This is one of the few movies I’ve seen where an all-star cast can’t save a mediocre script. The dialogue is awful and the plot is convoluted, confusing, and outlandish.

It jumps all over the place, randomly choosing to fill us in on characters’ backstories in very inopportune moments in the story. It’s distracting and meaningless.

Every single dramatic, meaningful moment in the film falls flat (Unfortunately, so do 90% of the funny ones). It’s not the casts’ fault, though. It’s the fact that the writers/director put seemingly zero effort into making a good story with good characters, and instead focused on making yet another hollow FX orgy that makes zero sense (yet will probably make close to $1 billion. What a travesty.)

Frankly, its insulting that the filmmakers would rather get a quick payday and write a horrendous story than actually try to entertain us.

Oh yeah, and it’s painfully apparent that Warner Bros. is doing all this do try and catch up/mimic the success that Disney had with Marvel.

tumblr_inline_n1pnpe1Stp1s4en91.gif

Yet Disney built the Marvel franchise over years, with careful calculation, and Warner Bros is trying to do it seemingly overnight.

I don’t even have a dog in the Marvel v.s. DC fight. I love the Nolan Batman films.

tumblr_m7xqsxJGP31qbwsdco7_r1_250.gif

But everything that DC has been coming out with has been following the same formula. Effortless stories getting drowned out by mindless action. I most likely won’t spend money on another DC film in the theater. You’re better off burning money for warmth or something.

5 movies better than suicide squad.

To show you guys how much I think you should NOT waste your time on this movie, I made a list of 5 things you should watch instead.

1. The Star Wars Prequel trilogy

tumblr_n6kwx06s3g1qcx4o6o1_500.gif

I recognize the utter mediocrity that is the prequel trilogy, especially I and II. But trust me, Hayden Christensen/Natalie Portman’s painfully awkward romance is 100x more belivable than anything you will see in Suicide Squad.

2. Sharknado

giphy.gif

A shark tornado is more serious than Jared Leto’s cartoonish portrayal of one of the greatest villains of all time.

3. The Room

4Z66el4.gif

Epitome of so-bad-its-good.

4. American Sniper

nhWsGsg.gif

Most overrated movie of the 2010’s thus far. A BAD movie. But Suicide Squad makes it look like a Hitchcock masterpiece.

And…..

5. Batman vs Superman

anigif_original-grid-image-13492-1436645885-18.gif

No secret that I didn’t care for BvS. But it should win best picture compared to Suicide Squad.

Skip it.

Please. For the love of all that is good in the world. Save yourself. Before its too late.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advertisements

One thought on “Movie Review – “Suicide Squad”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s